Rich Quick’s 10 Worst Franchises (humor)
(Humor) America’s beloved millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. provides his picks for the Best of the Worst new franchise opportunities.
Beloved millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.’s FranWorst.com website celebrates the many overlooked advantages of investing in the worst franchise opportunities, including lower fees, universal availability, and the absence of cumbersome rules and quality control.
And because you know it’s bad franchise, argues Quick, there’s no need to waste money to have a lawyer look over the legal agreements & disclosure documents.
Making that point, despite being an attorney himself, (He is, in fact, a founding partner of the prestigious firm Quick, Duhk & Hyde) displays the selflessness of Mr. Quick, Esq…. and the reason he is so beloved.
So what are some of Quick’s Picks for Best of the Worst franchise opportunities?
#1 “Eternal Ascent” Cremains Dispersal
As an Eternal Ascent franchise owner, your big red balloon will take Uncle Charlie to heaven and his ashes to God knows where.
#2 Enviro-Ad Environmental Product Placement 
One man’s litter is another man’s gold mine.
#3 If you think our buns are toasted, wait ’til you see our franchisees!
Endorsed by Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, this budding franchise promises a great bong for your buck.
#5 BUDGET BRIDES: Love 4 Less!
Matching bachelors on a budget with eligible women from the Poland, USSR, Singapore, Zimbabwe, Muscle Shoals and other miserable places.
#6 iSTOLE It
iSTOLE It combines the selling power of eBay auctions with our unique, no-cost inventory acquisition system.
#7 LOOK RICH QUICK! The Franchise
Your neighbors no longer have to look poor, just because they are.
#8 STARBUSKJ Cofe ‘N’ ROP (video)
STARBUSKJ Cofe ‘N’ ROP is favorite franchise of the late EXILED ex-president Baduchka and the only Slovenian coffee and rope shop to give free monkeyfist with every order! (So, if you have something you need to tie, or if you are a sleepy guy: STARBUSKJ Cofe ‘N’ Rop!)
Ranked one of the top 10 prison-based franchises
#10 Meal Assembly & Botox Kitchen Franchise
Make & Fake Gourmet combines the appeal of paying hundreds of dollars to prepare ones own meals, with the booming demand for facial botox injections.
#11* Richard Quick’s GRATE FUN! Adventure Park
An exciting development with QuickCo’s partnership with the People’s Republic of China. Co-branded with QuickCo’s DEEP DISCOUNT TOYS! from China.
Special FREE Bonus Message from Richard Quick, Esq.
What is Success? A letter from our President, Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? ADD A COMMENT OR SUGGESTION FOR WORSE FRANCHISES.
Images: Franworst
Richard Quick, Esq.’s Top 10 lists always go to 11. That’s how he rolls.